SEPARATION after an unsuccessful marriage is an opportunity to grow. You have a chance to live a life you want for yourself. Sure it takes time and that is ok. Take this time to learn from your break-up. If you take the lessons learned of this chapter in your life, you will find yourself moving on a lot sooner. Don’t be afraid to feel separation or divorce and embrace everything that comes with it. Feeling isolated and alone after a separation will not serve you, it will only prolong your healing.
My Separation taught me many things…
SEPARATION TAUGHT ME TO FEEL A ROLLERCOASTER OF EMOTIONS.
We live in a world that encourages us to put on a happy face and to deny that we feel emotions when going through a break-up. When we acknowledge our uncomfortable feelings, life is manageable. It may not always be fun or easy, but when we deny and avoid what we are feeling, your mental health suffers.
The pain from a break-up is real – you’ve lost someone close to you, and it leaves a gap in your life. The loneliness can feel unbearable at times. This pain is like a death and the pain needs your compassionate attention in order to move forward. Feel your emotions and don’t push them away.
SEPARATION TAUGHT ME TO ACCEPT MY OWN COMPANY.
Being comfortable with your own company can be unnatural or unfamiliar to some. You were in a relationship where you were a husband, a wife or a partner. If you have children, a parent too. Coming to the realisation you are no longer in a relationship with another can be painful, however, being in a relationship with yourself is something everyone should have. Now is the perfect time to accept who you are and start hanging out with yourself – and liking it!
By allowing yourself to ‘be’ and spending time alone is the greatest gift you can give yourself right now. By knowing who you are and allowing time to heal as you hang out with yourself, you will be ready to move on, and moving on once you have accepted your own company allows you to live a beautiful life.
SEPARATION TAUGHT ME TO EXPLORE NEW THINGS.
As I’ve mentioned before, separation or divorce is an opportunity to grow. An opportunity to do things you may wished to have explored but never had the chance to. Exploring new things in your life at whatever age is part of being human.
What scares you, but you want to try it? What is something you really want to do in your life and you haven’t had the opportunity to do?
SEPARATION TAUGHT ME TO LEARN WHO I AM.
Just like accepting my own company, separation taught me to learn who I am. Being in a marriage, we tend to blend as one. That is not always a negative thing, but once you go through a divorce, you have a chance to find out who you really are. You, just you. Realising no one defines who you are except you.
It’s great to ask yourself the following: ‘What did I loose from the relationship? What did I gain from the relationship? Who was I when I was in the relationship? Who am I right now? What makes me happy? What do I love to do that I haven’t done for a while? If I could do anything, anything at all what would it be and could I do it now?’
SEPARATION TAUGHT ME TO OPEN MY HEART.
Going through a separation, we can become bitter about relationships in general and others in relationships. Open your heart. Open your heart to the possibility of love again. If you have children, open your heart to your children or to your parents.
Embrace the world we live in. Open your heart to other people. No one knows what is going on with the next person in line at the grocery store. Be open to the possibilities in this lifetime.
Also, by opening your heart, you will allow only good things. You will allow love into your life. So, love in any form in your life will give you peace.
SEPARATION TAUGHT ME TO LIVE FEARLESSLY, TO BE BRAVE.
Living in fear can hold you back. Most of us do it. We have a belief of the sort of person we are, the belief we cannot do something. Once you start to understand who you are and accept your own company, you start to believe in yourself and live fearlessly, and be brave.
When you confront fear and acknowledge it for what it is, you will be able to have an honest conversation with fear.
We tend to have a list of ‘shoulds’, they normally stay on that list and amount to nothing. When we believe in ourselves and change the ‘shoulds’ to MUSTS, you begin to be braver. You begin to live FEARLESSLY. You stop holding back and begin to live the life you desire.
Are you holding yourself back? What do you say I should do and haven’t?
No one likes to go through separation, but if you find yourself going through a separation or divorce and not sure what to do next, remember what it can teach you.
P.S. I will complete one year of my matrimonial separation on this 7th of October, 2019.
-By Nitya Prakash