Speak Your Mind

I just want to do something worthwhile with my life

life worthwhile

I just want to do something worthwhile with my life

Maybe this sounds crazy, but I just gotta say it and maybe correct it later. I’m livid that I’m a musician, pouring countless hours into something, trying to make songs that sound timeless… that ultimately the attention it gets is at the whim of an ever-elusive algorithm that will decide willy-nilly if people see it or not. If it was more about quality that would be different, but its not… And usually the more important it is the less people see it, unless you give facebook money that you should be putting into your artistry.

There’s a mild amount of talk about artists mental health these days – and let me say we taken advantage of. Greedy companies ‘know’ good art comes from hardship, so they create artificial hardship for us – but there’s only so far they can push people. And I think most of us are at a breaking point and are scared to talk about it, or are about to be.

Conversations worthwhile in life

I don’t think there’s enough conversation about how f*** horrible this whole system is. How absolutely insulting it is to people who are trying to really do this music thing. To the select few like me who really really really are trying to make a go at it and making music that is often 50x harder and more time consuming to get right than pop or trap every step of the way – Unless you’re signed and have a constant team around you – how the heck do you keep inspired when literally every step of the way is another paywall or complication (Instagram ads, assistant bails on you, formats that won’t work here or there, every service requiring different dimensions, facebook ads, uploading at the right time, the right hashtags, the right image, ISC codes, organizations to join, events to go to, endless networking)? I know that 10 years ago on Youtube if I uploaded the same music content I have the last few weeks, it would be getting 10x the attention without any investment. Even on facebook 5 years ago.

Worthwhile in Life

And I know many people aren’t really listening to the music anyways despite all that, even if it seems like they are – because we’re all in the same rat race and war for attention – and sometimes I’m not listening either. Empty compliments. Empty likes. Vaguely experiencing something till the phone dings with a text.

All this while the planets burning.
I said I’d get back to the planet in a month, but still…
What are we doing.
This system doesn’t work.

I’m supposed to be excited with an album pre-order coming out tomorrow. I’m grateful that I’ll get to sing for all my friends tomorrow, but I’m torn. My whole thing is to be authentic – but the closest I can get to that is to say that I’m not authentic, nobody is, and there’s no way to be authentic or to feel heard or understood or validated when you put out your work as an artist… there’s no way to believe much of it.

I really have no concept if what I’m doing is worth anyone’s time. I just want to do something worthwhile with my life – its supposed to be music. But music treated so callously and at the whim of goddamn computers. And people too fragmented to really experience your life’s work (unless its a Netflix show starring hot people). That I cant make something that can have a healthy lasting impact.

Sometimes it feels like the whole thing is a great big disgusting joke. Why do we bother.

Please tell me why I should bother.

I’m taking a nap.

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